signs that you are dating a sociopath

SWEET: sending ‘i like you’ messages after 2 weeks of dating

CREEPY: sending ‘i love you, i wanna marry you messages’ after 2 weeks of dating.

FYI, my brain works when it is food-deprived and stops doing its job when something gets inside my tummy. Hence, I pig out after the exam. :))

                                - i made medtech look easy. HIHI :3  -

perhaps, every 3rd year student in my school shares the same feeling as i have right now. nah, it’s not what you are thinking. it’s the feeling of GENUINELY DOING NOTHING.

yes, indeed. truth is, during the last few months of our semester, procrastination was the most precious thing we’ve always wanted. those were the days when the question is not, ‘nakatuon ka gabie?’ but rather ‘nakahuman ka ug tuon gabie’? or perhaps ‘kadlawn’ is more appropriate. those days when you could have wanted more time to study and realized that 24 hours was not really enough for you to finish what you are doing. cramming was the only option you had when 5 long exams decided to take their turn daily. mercilessly, giving us a 1,2,3,4,5 choices or choose the number which you think is wrong/right, ‘write X if you think everything is wrong’ , better yet ‘write the number which you think is the only right answer’ or perhaps a SCHEMA. there were harsh teachers, some were over doing it but there were still those who understood us and gave us some inspiration to carry on.

now, i dunno about everybody’s story but i wanna share my side:

third year for me was the turning point of my life. im not only talking about the academic side of it but the events that had occurred to me during the past 10months.

first stop was my life in my first semester. i couldn’t imagine myself having a relationship with someone despite of the hectic schedule i had. but i did. studies on the weekdays and boyfriend on my weekends was the usual habit. somehow, i balanced it well. it was all about time management. perhaps, having someone to share your problems and frustrations with is the advantage of having a partner in life.

they say, the first semester was the hardest. a lot of adjustments and disappointments overwhelms you in this stage. strategy no.1:move on and never let your emotions bring you down. these were the first lessons i got during the earlier months. but i confess, i wasn’t the ‘oh-so-good’ daughter type. God knows what happened but i was thankful i passed my first semester. like seriously, going home drunk on a friday/saturday night while my classmates were already sinking in their faces with the notes did not even scare me at all. at the back of my mind i kept on saying, ‘who gives a sh*t?’

i admit it, i was so far with the Lord and sin was my new obsession. i was so delighted with the idea of liberation and maturity that i almost forgot i wasn’t already acting according to my age. that feeling when you think that the people around you are so childish and ignorant and you could just wish that you would disappear and talk to some more mature people talking about more mature stuff.

but so much for that, when finals came i reached to the point of contemplating of what i have done during the whole semester. i was so scared to the idea of failing because i knew i was not doing my best. although my scores were barely passing and i knew that some of my batchmates we’re not doing pretty well, i was terrified of the bad karma that might affect my grades. no, im not a Hindu but i believe that doing nasty things in the past might pull you down in the future. so i prayed- a LOT. that He might forgive me. funny, that He did what i asked him to do,

‘Lord, okay rajud magkabuwag me sa akung uyab basta papasara lang jud ku ani nga semester. magbinut-an najud ku promise.’ 

2 weeks after, poof! we broke up with my boyfriend. HAHAHA! but, heey, i passed. i even got to maintain my scholarship. not bad, isn’t it? HAHAHAHA! :)) i asked for a slice of cake He gave me the whole thing. but it wasn’t fair enough for Him.

i went maoy for losing the guy. the first two months of my 2nd semester was a waste. i got more distracted. Emancipation was the name of the game. i did not play fair and i did not keep my promise to Him. my situation got worse and going home drunk on a friday AND saturday WAS normal. well, my friends (or acquaintances) somehow thought it was cool- partying all night still passing the exams (im not bragging). little did they know, i was dying inside. 

but just like any other story, there would always be that silver lining. i joined this community group my parents used to participate. immediately, i had this feeling of attachment. an instant connection between me and Him. after their praise and worship stuff which i awkwardly joined, they had this confession session which i hesitantly took. 

i was like, ‘rhuss, pull yourself together. are you really going to do this? aren’t you ashamed of telling your secrets to someone you don’t know? after all, that priest IS HUMAN, and still, he can’t help himself to judge people’

but i was determined to tell everything- detail by detail. after that night, i had this feeling of relief. i don’t actually believe in the stories people tell bout how a confession brought them a miraculous feeling of consolation- but, surprisingly, i was living the moment. 

that priest touched my life. it’s as if God was talking to me-reprimanding me yet in a gentle way. the words he said struck my heart and it will be forever etched. since then, i decided to join the community group and attended their weekly gathering. even if there were exams during saturdays i prioritized Him and studied aubf the next morning. (that explains why i don’t really get good scores in my aubf. HAHA!) 

so that ended my 2011. HAHA! so much OA and drama happened. as you have read, i wasn’t really focused on my studies. everything was all about maoy. HAHAHA - but of course finding myself.

two-zero-one-two.

i decided to let go of the old ways.

new year, new me.

so far, so good. 

i focused more on my studies. well, i thought it was probably time for me to keep my head up on the game. i finally found myself in a musty, old room in velez. i wonder if there were more decent rooms the college has to offer. hahaha! everyone looked so tired and so bummed out. i nearly forgot, midterms week was coming and everyone was burnt out by the everyday exams the teachers had bombarded us. it was pretty cool actually. i guess kenshin himura was right. the law of nature will always be the survival of the fittest. who could study a 40-paged photocopied notes for a night? who could actually cram for 30 minutes to study for the next practical exam? who could stay awake all night and look like a zombie the next day just for a major exam? a medtech could. i mean, we had to.

SPEED-a noun defining a rate of motion usually at a higher rate. im sure any blockA could relate to this word. 10 minutes before any exam, we always had this tradition of SPEED STUDYING. it’s probably scanning in the muggle world. but for me, it’s more than scanning. it’s sharing to the people around you-like literally around you-what you have learned (or memorized) at that particular page of your notes.

and speaking of notes, everyday was always a question of ‘naa kae notes sa CC? histopath? aubf? borrow ku bi’ and suddenly, when the clock striked 5 everyone started to crowd in at CN. for the note, CN is a photocopy/snacks/black market establishment. their business is a huge hit-that includes selling illegal hand-me-down-notes. but who cares, nothing will stop a medtech student from studying. and when all else failed FACEBOOK gave us hope - this infamous social networking site united the blockA when dr.chan and her viruses took over. sorry to share my sentiments, but i didn’t like the idea of the others not sharing their notes (although, i respect you for that).

but the notes weren’t enough. at the end, having more handouts and a lot of photocopies that were actually the same just gave you more headaches. strategy no.2: know what to study. definitely, not all of us know how. that awkward moment when every word is important and you ended up highlighting every sentences. then you’d realize that your notes would make a good coloring book :))

The nights turned into days and we became the monsters of it- going home from the coffee shops at 1am in the morning with those dull, unwashed faces, the tired eyes and the messy hair.  And when coffee shops aren’t enough, there would always be McDo’s and Jollibee to help you stay away from home. Trust me, strategy no.3: when you are terribly tired and you have a long exam the next day, don’t study in your room. Just don’t. Fallin asleep is a mortal sin . Been there, done that and learned my lesson. My Bed was my mortal enemy and staying in my room was a constant battle between my brain and the rest of my body.

If there’s one thing that could make us happy, it was food- our HAPPY FOOD. Coffee was my bestfriend.  A lot of us gained weight out of stress. Trying to compensate our sleep deprived body to high energy calorie-JUNKIES – apparently we weren’t eating the right one, but who cares? those high-sodium foods gave us the feeling of satisfaction -temporarily relieving our stress. It has always been the tradition to buy chips/fish crackers/ ice cream/ samurice every 3pm or right after our long exams which officially replaced our lunch break hours. An addiction any medtech student is guilty of. Well, this part does not completely apply to me. I lost weight because I had this weird body. FYI, my brain works when it is food-deprived and stops doing its job when something gets inside my tummy. Hence, I pig out after the exam.  

You see, a lot of effort has already been given in but the thing is, getting a line of 7 would already delight us. Can you just see the beauty of it? Medtech taught us that getting a high score is not as important as you thought it was (not unless, you’ve always been the good-for-nothing student). In other words, medtech taught us that there is more to life than grades. Well, maybe some of us did not notice it but we built stronger bond of friendship, more importantly, we became not just better students but more responsible individuals. Our third year taught us to reach for our goal even if we have every reason to give up, to stand up even if we have every reason to break down and to hold on even if we have every reason let go. Cliché as it may sound but 3^rd year prepared us of what’s coming ahead of us not just in its field but generally in our practical way of living in the future.

My third year in Medtech made me realize that life is full of shit and no matter how hard you try to be good at it, you can never be its master. You know why?  because there can only be one Master. Remember when I told you I started to bring myself closer to God? I asked him to help me change my life and little did I know, he took away the people who gave me influences I shouldn’t have. He slowly renewed my heart. I gave in to Him. From then on, I allowed Him to control my life and showed me the right way so I could also lead the people around me to His path. I allowed Him to be my Master.

If you are reading this right now, you might ask yourself this question, ‘who are you and what did you do to my friend, rhuss?’ HAHAHA!

But seriously, i can never make it through third year without His help (you can substitute third year to your most difficult days in your life or whatever). my point is, the strength I had when I studied, the wisdom and knowledge I had when I answered every exam was not mine but from Him. To tell you, I was sick the whole pre-fi week and until now, I don’t have any idea how I made it. A 40° C is not a body temperature you could just ignore. I was chilling while I was studying and I could barely understand of what I was reading. I only had one thing- determination. The rest was up to Him. I owe everything to Him. 

And for the maoy heart  I had before, I don’t mind if my ex would be reading this but I’m happy that finally there is no more feeling of anger or resentment I once had for him. I’ve forgiven him and I hope he, too, has forgiven me.  Someday, we’ll all be happy in God’s grace.

P.S I don’t talk normally like this, lucky are those who read this because I don’t expose much of my Christian life. :)))

          -the bittersweet feeling of getting through third year is priceless-

hi!

message me! i wanna meet some friends this summer. 

don’t worry, i don’t bite. unless you’re a food :))